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Brace for Splash Town on the PURRICANE!!

Are you ready for the ride of your life? Prove your manhood on the most ball draining ride in the world!! It's got twists, turns, curls, and curves that will rock and shock your system from head to toe!! But a ride like this isn't meant for just any prick with a stick. Only quality meat can compete for a seat.

UH OH!! Sorry, little man! Looks like you don't quite measure up! Why don't you step aside and watch the BIG MEN have the fun for you. Or check out the gift shop below - they have a virtual ride for the lil' fellas who couldn't make the cut.

What I'm saying, is I know you want to see Goddess satisfied, but you just can't get the job done. I don't need wimpy, wimpy, wimpy! I need hefty, Hefty, HEFTY!! And if you can't provide that, then we'll just have to bring in someone who can. Don't worry, I'll find another use for you as soon as we connect.