Phone Sex

Your fantasies are always with you, playing hide-and-seek with your perceived realities, whispering wild ideas into your inner ear, showing movies in your mind, stirring your passions mysteriously, yet so powerfully. If you are imprisoned in any way like at your work, your personal life, your education, your religion, your government, your fantasies become your freedom. Sometimes your ability to fantasize is the only freedom you have.

The most popular sexual fantasies among men and women involve ideas of sex with a passionate, attractive, exciting partner who will do whatever you want, even if that means dominating you. Your Perfect Lover could be someone you know; it could even be your real-life partner. It could be someone you saw at work but never talk to, a celebrity with whom you feel a connection, or a complete stranger you happened to face for two intense minutes in a crowded elevator. It could be someone that would be your ideal mate, if only you could be together. Or it could be someone very taboo: your best friend’s spouse, a “bad” boy or girl, someone of whom you know culture would disapprove. Perfect Lovers run the gamut, but the universal characteristic is that you find this person irresistible and extremely satisfying, at least in fantasy.

Even traditional ladies who prefer romance to porn enjoy the fantasy of the Perfect Lover. While such a scenario might involve nothing more than kissing, Perfect Lover fantasies can entail sexual intercourse in every position. Oral sex (giving or receiving) is a big favorite, followed by manual sex, anal sex (giving or receiving) and mutual masturbation. In addition to these basic physical sex acts, there are many other types of sex about which you might fantasize, especially if you feel deprived of a particular favorite activity. Your Perfect Lover will never deprive you…unless you have a deprivation fetish.

It’s even more common to fantasize about your real-life lover, who may not be perfect, but must be pretty hot and is certainly familiar and easy enough to conjure up in the erotic theater of your mind. But because it’s a secret sexual fantasy, you might imagine something different than the usual. Maybe you fantasize that your real-life lover is aggressive even though he or she is usually passive, or the two of you are being watched, or perhaps you imagine yourself watching your lover have sex with someone else. This brings us to the next most popular type of fantasy…

The threesome is another very common sexual fantasy. It’s often associated with the erotic imagination, and it’s certainly one of the most widespread male fantasies, invoking images of double-wived patriarchs and the pleasures of the harem. But women are catching up as it becomes more acceptable for us to admit we’d like to be with two hot men at once, or perhaps a man and another woman.

The male standard is sex with two women, of course–often a girlfriend and another lady. This sort of ménage à trois fantasy is flattering to your erotic ego and gives you a sex-educational glimpse into the secrets of lesbian sex.

More and more men now also confess that they fantasize about having a threesome with a woman and another man. The level of imagined physical intimacy can run the gamut from barely touching the man while you both focus on the woman all the way to the two men having intense sex while the woman simply watches or “directs.” You might also imagine watching the other man have his sexual way with your woman, with you as the “cuckold,” creating what I call the “sperm wars” effect, a competitive rise in your sperm count that arouses you even if you feel jealous and insecure.

Sometimes when you imagine a threesome with someone of the same sex, it’s a prelude to fantasizing about a more intimate, same-sex twosome. Or maybe the third opposite sex lover is just there for show, to “guide” or even “force” the two same-gender lovers to play with each other.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re truly gay, though it could. It most often means you’re truly bisexual, which I believe most of us are, and that your fantasy life is making up for what you repress in your real life. Just because you fantasize about having sex with someone of your gender doesn’t mean you ought to do it. Same sex fantasies can signify a lot of different things for people who lead mostly straight real lives–from seeking personal validation to breaking societal taboos.

It’s funny; it used to be much more taboo for women to admit to any kind of fantasies, except the kind revolving around love and “bodice-rippers,” a.k.a. romance novels. But now that more women are creating erotica, making it more romantic–that is, story and character-driven–other women are unabashedly eating it up. Modern ladies also seem to have an easier time accepting their bi-curious fantasies than most men do. There are various sociopolitical, cultural, psychological and physical reasons for this. Women know that most men are turned on by two women together, whereas it’s still a rare, very open-minded woman who enjoys two men together.

When fantasizing about sex with another female, most women imagine the other woman’s whole body: her breasts, buns, hair, lips (both pairs), soft skin, seductive eyes, etc. When men fantasize about other men, they tend to focus on one part: the penis.

Masters & Johnson reported that heterosexuals often fantasize about homosexual encounters and vice versa, more often reflecting curiosity and other impulses than the desire to change the gender of one’s real-life lovers.

Power and surrender, or “dominance and submission” (D/s) fantasies are quite common among both men and women. They seem to be gaining in popularity. They can be crude or romantic, marvelous or dangerous. D/s fantasies may involve sadomasochism (S/M), bondage and discipline (B/D), fantasy “play,” spanking, whipping, tickling, teasing, body worship and a host of other activities that may or may not entail actual sexual intercourse. In D/s fantasies, being “bad” – whether you are the invested Dom or the naughty sub–feels really good. It’s another trick of the imagination that turns the “good” status quo on its head in order to turn you on.

It’s easy to understand why people enjoy dominating others. Power is a rush, especially in fantasy. You get to do whatever you want to the sex object of your dreams. What more could you desire? Many people pursue physical power over others in real life, often entering political, police or military careers. Others prefer to go on their power trips in their erotic imagination. Traditionally, “domination” is considered a male fantasy, probably most popular among men who are relatively powerless in real-life society, even though they have testosterone-pumping energy to spare. But more and more women say they enjoy the fantasy of being dominant, “on top,” wielding a whip, perhaps also using plesure toys in real-life sex.

But there’s another, even more pervasive reason many people eroticize submission: guilt. Forced surrender allows you to do something sexual without it being your “fault,” absolving you of guilt, at least in fantasy.

Whether you are being ravished, tied up, spanked, teased, forced to dress explicitly or led around on a leash as the slave of a powerful, sexy Master or Mistress, in a submission fantasy, you get to be made to do or get what you secretly desire. So a foot fetishist will be “made” to worship feet, the nipple masochist “forced” to suffer extra painful nipple clamps and the panty lover “ordered” to put on the mistress’ knickers. Dominant/submissive scenarios may involve master/slave, goddess/supplicant, boss/employee, doctor/patient or guard/prisoner.

Men and women probably fantasize with equal passion about sexual surrender. Politically incorrect as it may be, often male submission fantasies involve being dressed up in traditional, sensuous or “explicit” women’s clothes and called derogatory names.

Another common fantasy combo is seeing and being seen, showing off and watching the show, exhibitionism and voyeurism. It’s not all visual; you can be an audio-voyeur who enjoys hearing someone talk “dirty,” and you can be an aural exhibitionist who gets off on telling your sex secrets to the world. But most exhibitionism and voyeurism is about the joy of the erotic show.

Most people would say the He-Pays-To-Watch-Her scenario is the natural relationship between male and female, but is it? In nature, it’s usually the male of the species that’s the exhibitionist, the classic example being the peacock. His sex drive programs him to strut his sexual stuff for the female who watches him voyeuristically and quite critically, deciding whether he’d make a good sex partner based largely on the beauty of his tail. Since there aren’t too many opportunities for men to sexually display themselves for women in our society, many men secretly fantasize about exhibitionism. They desperately want to show themselves off. In fact, there’s a fetish that is gaining in popularity on the Internet known by its initials CFNM: Clothed Female, Naked Male.